I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
