YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
