Can i not drive my cunt home
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
