and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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