dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
