I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have post one night stand depression
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