On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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