a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
