I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
