You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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