Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
