is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it's like iHOP with fire
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
