You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
