wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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