I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just gift wrapped bread.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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