If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
