Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A bitchslap is in order.
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