Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
