Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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