When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
