I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
