watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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