I want to have your abortion
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
