I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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