I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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