Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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