Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
