Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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