what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
