That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
