so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
