She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
