Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
