i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
