i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
