You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
