You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
