if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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