you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
