Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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