The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
