Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
