I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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