dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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