Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
