a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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