Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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