She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
