I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
