Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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