She's JV to your varsity
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
