I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
