come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
